Write To Life     by Elana Horwitz

originally published in Hamodia


Accepting People With Special Needs

To the Editor:

Ilana Feldenhaus's story about the effect of babysitting for a child with Down syndrome who was hidden by her family, on the writer's later choice to mainstream her own Down syndrome daughter into regular society, addressed the important issue of acceptance.  My sixty-five year old uncle, who is a high-functioning person with Down syndrome, has always been cared for at home, first by his parents, and later by his brother and sister-in-law (my parents). The key to his acceptance in regular society is his training to behave with respect and politeness.

I wonder at the writer's plan to have her daughter's appearance altered through cosmetic surgery. While a more typical appearance would have made my uncle more similar to his peers, it would also have removed the natural cue to others that different expectations are appropriate for this individual. Appearing typical might have placed undue pressure on him to behave in completely typical ways. There is hidden pressure on those with hidden disabilities such as ADHD, Tourette, Asperger's, bipolar disorder, and so on. The unusual appearance of a person with Down syndrome might be seen as a bracha; it is a cue that he or she needs to be welcomed for the abilities and characteristics the person possesses, rather than in spite of them.

Elana Horwitz
Raanana