Ra’anana Community Kollel
Goodbye For A While
Elana Horwitz
“In the midst of winter I finally learned that there was within me
an invincible summer.”
-Albert Camus
One winter long ago brought torrents of rain, dark gray days and chill. Ironically, it also served as the setting for a story of hope and rebirth - a story that captivated its audience of one.
She was a woman I had known years ago, although it was difficult to pinpoint when the two of us first had met. Now she was visiting Israel. Unknown to me were the challenges that I was to face that season and unplanned was my encounter with her. But uncannily, she was just the person able to help me find a solution I needed for my child, through her experiences with natural healing and her expertise in child education. In turn, I was given the merit of caring for her young child while she underwent further fertility treatments.
When I would look at her beautiful, intelligent son, I would marvel over and over at the gift of fertility that Hashem has given us in recent years in the form of modern science. During the weeks of my friend’s visit the image of her young son always fired within me feelings of inspiration and gratitude to Hashem.
At the very time of this woman’s visit, I came across an old box of saved possessions. Its contents included old school awards and photographs. Astonished, I found myself holding a group photo that included both my friend and myself as children in day camp. Beside me sat my friend, this visitor to Israel, whom I had not met in years. If not for this picture, neither one of us would have remembered knowing each other as children.
What circular lives we live! So often people surface again to greet us in different contexts. Rebbetzin Ruchoma Shain expressed this idea when she addressed her students upon her departure to Eretz Yisrael.
Goodbye for a while, until we meet again.
My heart asks the question, when?
The photos were dated from the 1970’s. Amazingly those were the years when the particular fertility treatment that my friend was undergoing was just beginning to prove successful. And there we sat, innocent little girls, with no idea of the circumstances that would bring us together many years later. But Hashem had planned it all along. Hazily I recalled a song we used to sing in day camp.
What is the meaning of all the flowers? They tell the story of love.
As campers we had sung this song without attaching any special meaning to the lyrics. But now I thought about the beautiful flowers that appear even in the dead of winter, blossoming among the raindrops. I thought about my friend’s miraculous child. I focused on the whole-heartedness with which she and I gave to each other what we could. These images told a story of love.
Hashem knew, when two young girls had met years earlier, how this story would unfold. We had no idea.
How often do we become anxious about our lives and the lives of people we care about without remembering that Hashem has a plan? How often, in the midst of the cold downpour, do we forget to search for the flowers? If we don’t even look for them we can never find their meaning.
How often do we allow ourselves to function on automatic, focusing on shopping, cleaning and financing, but forget to feed the spiritual part of ourselves?
When we disappear from Hashem this way and say goodbye, Hashem is still there waiting. He says - for a while, until we meet again. When is up to us.
The flowers are here, this winter. There are bright, colorful flowers to be found in every incidence of winter in our lives. Miracles, like my friend’s little boy, arrive at our doorsteps. We have to focus in order to see them. And that’s so hard when there is winter in the heart.
But we can brave the chilling winds until we find the flowers. They tell the story of Hashem’s love.
