Ra'anana Community Kollel

Thanksgiving

Rabbi Aharon Liberman

The very beginning of this week’s parshah, Ki Tavo, teaches the mitzvah of bikkurim, of bringing the first fruits to the Kohen in the Beit Hamikdash. Although this mitzvah isn’t practiced nowadays in the absence of the Beit Hamikdsh, Rashi comments that its integral message is actually timeless.

This mitzvah is one of the Biblical sources for the need to develop hakarat hatov, of appreciating the kindness which someone else has bestowed upon us. Rav Wolbe expands on Rashi’s words by adding another dimension. The Torah’s obligation isn’t merely to present the bikkurim to the Kohen; there is also an obligation to recite the bikkurim declaration expressing our hakarat hatov. It is not enough to feel grateful towards someone; it is telling that person how grateful we are for his kindness that generates positive energy. Our lives are full of various relationships, our spouse and children, our parents and peers, our employees and employers, etc. The greater the contact we have with somebody, writes Rav Wolbe, the more apt we are to encounter them on their “bad days,” when they perform for us much less than expected. If we don’t learn to appreciate every act of kindness in our relationships, and to express it, the relationship will grow stale and head for failure.

Unfortunately, it is so hard to develop a hakarat hatov mindset. Rav Wolbe points to two reasons for this psychological block. First, we are used to being doted on and pampered, as small children. Parents are only too happy to provide for their children’s needs and wants- even if they don’t hear a thank you in reply. The needs of babies and small children are vital, and they must be attended to urgently, but this also develops self-centeredness, and an attitude that everything we get is coming to us. The second reason is that by admitting that someone did us a favor, we demonstrate weakness and vulnerability. We feel indebted to him and obliged to reciprocate in the future. Who wants to have an outstanding debt hanging over his head? Although these factors are a part of human nature, the Torah teaches us that in order to maintain our relationships, it is imperative to make the effort to overcome our innate nature.

Rav Dessler points to another demonstration of hakarat hatov in the Chumash. Moshe Rabbeinu was not permitted to hit the water to initiate the plagues of blood and frogs, nor to hit the earth to produce the plague of lice. The water had protected Moshe when his basket was placed in the Nile River. Similarly, the earth had protected him when he interred the Egyptian whom he killed. It would have been ungrateful of Moshe to hit them, and so Aharon did it instead. The question begs, why does hakarat hatov have to be shown to inanimate objects? Rav Dessler actually takes this question to a deeper level. By hitting the land and the water, Moshe wasn’t disgracing them at all. He was actually providing the impetus for them to carry out Hashem’s command to generate the miracles of the plagues. Not so, says Rav Dessler. Delivering a blow to the land and to the water would have delivered a simultaneous blow to Moshe’s sensitivity and morality. True, these inanimate objects would not have felt slighted had he hit them, and his relationship with them would not have grown stale, but Moshe’s own characteristics of hakarat hatov would have been significantly set back. We have seen how hard it is to fight our nature and develop sensitivity for hakarat hatov, but even a seemingly insignificant gesture towards an inanimate object takes us a long way away.

The ultimate goal of developing hakarat hatov is to appreciate what Hashem gives us. On one level, we must appreciate what we take for granted, like our livelihood, our families, our health, and our very lives. On a deeper level, we must learn to view our accomplishments as a gift from Hashem, not as the inevitable result of our own effort and charisma. On still a deeper level, we must learn to reflect upon our failures and tragedies also as a gift from Hashem with ultimately good results. In order to appreciate what Hashem does for us, however, we must first learn how to appreciate what others do for us.

Let us, therefore, make it a point this Shabbat to be sensitive to the good things that others do for us, and to express it to them verbally. As we begin to say Selichot this Motzai Shabbat in preparation for the imminent approach of Rosh Hashanah, let us reflect upon the overwhelming kindness Hashem has shown us, for on Rosh Hashanah Hashem will determine what He will offer us in the year ahead.